Scary Movie 4
film — USA — 2006

Sweet mother of god! I didn`t believe that they would pull it off, but they certainly have done it - this film is worse than it`s prequel - Scary Movie 3. What are the ingredients for a disastrous film? You need: 1)a plot that sucks beyond comparison (and beyond comparison means - deeper than Linda Lovelace in "Deep Throat"); 2) lots of terrible actors (including Shaq and Dr.Phil, both perfectly uncapable of starring in anything else than "How the bitch got slapped by a group of construction workers"); 3) no plan for direction whatsoever and 4) talent for making dumb movies that sell well for dumb audiences. That`s where David Zucker jumps in. You see, even a group of the most miserable actors without a normal script could eventually make a pretty decent film - maybe not really watchable but at least experimental. But when a director of David Zucker`s caliber takes over, there are no limits for attrocity. The film is in fact a mixture of several Hollywood hits of the last years - "Saw", "War of the Worlds", "The Village", "The Grudge" and "Million Dollar Baby" all get their share of "laughs" in this film. Discussing the plot of this film itself would be kinda wothless - it`s basically just a platform for jokes similar to this one: a man wants to commit suicide and eats a lot of pills, but those pills happen to be viagra, so his dick rises to enormous sizes. Since there`s a woman in his apartement, he`s ashamed of that and starts kicking the dick hoping that it would lose its size, but he doesn`t have much luck with that, instead his cat jumps onto the dick and lets the claws out. The man starts jumping around in pain trying to shake the creature off, tossing the cat over the balcony. After that he falls from the balcony himself, lands on his enormous penis and dies. Ha ha! I haven`t laughed more in my life. Other scenes, comparable in terms of humour quality, follow. The only surprise in this film was the relatively normal part of Leslie Nielsen in it - he`s still the president of the USA, and when the world is attacted by alien tr-iPods (one of the best jokes in the film), he`s listening to a fairytale about a duck in a school classroom and when he`s asked to do something about the attack, he says: "Wait, I wan`t to know what happens to the duck!" To conclude my bitching about this film - combining a 5 minutes trailer would make it look like a good comedy. But 85 minutes of it combined to one of the worst films I`ve seen lately, and in some ways I found it worse than the bastardisation of "Lost" that happened to be a porn movie from which I watched less than five minutes for sure.
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