Love Gun

These "Kiss" fellows certainly are some mean and nasty sexual perverts. For the title of their album they use a synonym for "penis". Still you`ve gotta notice that an album by the title of "Penis" may even sound smart and anti-establishment, meanwhile "Love Gun" is just ugly. In the title song they sing about some chick that turns the love gun on (or something like that). On "Christine Sixteen" Paul Stanley comes out:
I don`t usually say things like this to girls your age, but when I saw you
coming out of the school that day, that day I knew, I knew, I`ve got to have
you, I`ve got to have you

You know what this shit reminds me of? Spinal Tap, without doubt. Isn`t "Love Gun" kinda similar to the ingenious title for a romantic song for piano from the Tap`s repertoire - "Lick my love pump"? Isn`t the song about Christine in its essence the same as "Tonight I`m gonna rock you tonight"? I believe it is. Still in the case of Tap it was a brilliant parody of simplistic hard rock, meanwhile Kiss IS the ultimate simplistic hard rock band.
Let`s continue with the lyrics sheet, shall we? What do we have here? On "Got Love For Sale" Stanley (if that is him, I`m not too much of an expert of Kiss members - and Kiss members` members for that matter) offers having sex with him as a solution for every problem.
We move over to "Shock me" with timeless lines like:
Shock me, make me feel better
Shock me, put on your black leather
Shock me, we can come together

I wonder why the lyrics pages don`t spell "cum" instead of "come" in the last line?
"Tomorrow and tonight" is another song about sex with a rather catchy chorus going:
Tomorrow and tonight, tomorrow and tonight
We can rock all day, we can roll all night

I already uttered some comments on "Love Gun", so now we can discuss "Hooligan". This song isn`t about blow jobs and stuff, it`s just a celebration of some dumb fucker.
"Almost Human" is quite possibly supposed to be a horror song but it comes off as a hilariously stupid parody at best:
You`re so smooth and tender, a living, breathing dream
I`ve got to have you, baby, I`m listenin` for your scream

Stupid sexist lyrics, a dull attitude and unneeded seriousness - these are only some of the reasons why Kiss fail where Alice Cooper would have succeeded.
"Plaster caster" is once again a song about blow/hand job:
The plaster`s gettin` harder and my love is perfection
A token of my love for her collection

Finally "Then She Kissed Me" is a cover of a Sixties girl group song, so there`s no need to discuss the lyrical matter of that song.
I`ve somehow missed the album opening "I Stole your love" which is just a stupid song about how cool the hero of the song is.
Come on - did anyone ever take these guys seriously? At best they are funny because of their incredible stupidity but usually they just suck a redneck`s cock (just to be offensive). And their music? It ain`t no hardrock by my standards. It`s girly teeny pop with distorted guitars with the kind of melodies that even I could have composed on a lucky day and B-movie atmosphere.
This is crap.
2007-10-19
3.0
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