Despite the fact that Roman Polanski is considered to be one of the most important living filmmakers, I can`t call myself a big expert of his work. So far Rosemary`s Baby has been just the second of his films (after The Pianist) that I`ve seen in its entirety. Rosemary is a young woman that`s married to a moderately successful actor who has so far appeared in several plays and some TV commercials. They decide to rent a new apartement and for that they choose quite a pretty place in a house where strange things have happened over the years, yet Guy and Rosemary are young and happy people and why should they worry about tales of dead infants being found in the house or living children being eaten alive? Some things do seem somewhat strange though, especially that concerns their neighbours - an elderly couple - whom Guy somehow gets strangely attracted to. But everything turns really strange when Rosemary gets pregnant (she has some strange visions about that for the neighbours have given her some sort of a strange drink). The whole thing with the baby doesn`t go perfectly well - Rosemary is given some strange drinks which she gets prescribed by a famous doctor and which don`t make her feel better. Only with time she learns to understand that she`s surrounded by a group of practicing witches that have involved her in some crazy ritual, and the trouble lies in the fact that her husband has sold their child to the devil for success as an actor. And in the end, when the baby is born, it doesn`t get used in satanic rituals for there`s no need for that - after all, it`s not Guy who`s the baby`s father, but the Devil himself. To be honest, this film isn`t the scariest one I`ve ever seen, but it`s still pretty haunting. Actually it`s somewhat similar to some works by Hitchcock, as a film that mostly relies on suspense and not on troubling images, yet it is scary enough for a person to become a troubled mind after watching it for sure. By the way, Rosemary is played by a very young and good looking Mia Farrow (before her connection with that Allen creep). Certainly a must-see for all lovers of scary movies (but not of Scary Movie though).

Sweet mother of god! I didn`t believe that they would pull it off, but they certainly have done it - this film is worse than it`s prequel - Scary Movie 3. What are the ingredients for a disastrous film? You need: 1)a plot that sucks beyond comparison (and beyond comparison means - deeper than Linda Lovelace in "Deep Throat"); 2) lots of terrible actors (including Shaq and Dr.Phil, both perfectly uncapable of starring in anything else than "How the bitch got slapped by a group of construction workers"); 3) no plan for direction whatsoever and 4) talent for making dumb movies that sell well for dumb audiences. That`s where David Zucker jumps in. You see, even a group of the most miserable actors without a normal script could eventually make a pretty decent film - maybe not really watchable but at least experimental. But when a director of David Zucker`s caliber takes over, there are no limits for attrocity. The film is in fact a mixture of several Hollywood hits of the last years - "Saw", "War of the Worlds", "The Village", "The Grudge" and "Million Dollar Baby" all get their share of "laughs" in this film. Discussing the plot of this film itself would be kinda wothless - it`s basically just a platform for jokes similar to this one: a man wants to commit suicide and eats a lot of pills, but those pills happen to be viagra, so his dick rises to enormous sizes. Since there`s a woman in his apartement, he`s ashamed of that and starts kicking the dick hoping that it would lose its size, but he doesn`t have much luck with that, instead his cat jumps onto the dick and lets the claws out. The man starts jumping around in pain trying to shake the creature off, tossing the cat over the balcony. After that he falls from the balcony himself, lands on his enormous penis and dies. Ha ha! I haven`t laughed more in my life. Other scenes, comparable in terms of humour quality, follow. The only surprise in this film was the relatively normal part of Leslie Nielsen in it - he`s still the president of the USA, and when the world is attacted by alien tr-iPods (one of the best jokes in the film), he`s listening to a fairytale about a duck in a school classroom and when he`s asked to do something about the attack, he says: "Wait, I wan`t to know what happens to the duck!" To conclude my bitching about this film - combining a 5 minutes trailer would make it look like a good comedy. But 85 minutes of it combined to one of the worst films I`ve seen lately, and in some ways I found it worse than the bastardisation of "Lost" that happened to be a porn movie from which I watched less than five minutes for sure.

I find it quite funny when on the back of this book it`s mentioned that Forster was a coeval of James Joyce, Virginia Woolf and other great British writers. From a passage like this the reader might conclude that Forster was a revolutionary in the field of literature who has left a very serious legacy for the generations to come. In fact he seems to be just another leftist realist. Lydia has married into a wealthy high class English family but she doesn`t really belong there, especially after her husband`s death she seems to be misplaced there. The relatives of her deceased husband tell her what to do and how to do, but she isn`t really a smart person or a reasonable person. At one point she decides to go for Italy for a year, and nobody objects to that for in fact most of the nobles want her out of their sight. Yet when they learn to know that the widow of their beloved relative wants to remarry in Italy Philip, her brother in law, is sent to Italy on a rescue mission. Still he arrives late and Lydia has already married Gino - the son of a dentist, a man with no job and no prospects for life. But he doesn`t need a job or a profession - he has got a pretty face and now he`s also got a rich wife. Lydia doesn`t have much fun living with her new husband for it proves that Gino ain`t much better than the high class society, he locks her up in terms that she can`t walk alone, she can`t invite people to tea parties, and so she slowly fades and when she gives birth to a son she dies herself. After that the English family decides to take hold of the child for Lydias daughter from her first husband Charles takes interest in her baby stepbrother. Philip is sent to Italy once again, but this time his religious sister Heriette is taken along as well. They can`t persuade Gino to give the child away for money (nor does Philip really want to succeed) but then Heriette steals the child and accidentally kills it (for she`s about as good at handling children as I am at conducting classical opera).

For most people Paul Simon is still the same Paul Simon that wrote "Bridge over Troubled Water", "The Sound of Silence", "Mrs. Robinson" and other timeless classics that his old mate Art Garfunkel would perform with his voice of an angel. Still there are some other people who would know that Simon&Garfunkel ceased to be an exceptional musical duo more than 35 years back only to have several reunition concerts but that Simon never had an angelic singer for his songs anymore. That didn`t stop good ol` Paul from hitting it on the spot with his solo album "Graceland" in the 1980s. After that he`s remained in the shade most of the time, releasing world music or no music at all most of the time, and here: "Surprise!" he`s returned with an album of bran new songs and this album is wisely called "Surprise!!!" So, there may be no exclamation marks at the end of the title but who cares about such unsignificant details anyway? The album kicks of "How Can You Live in the Northeast" which has verses that almost make one cry (well, maybe I`m overdramatizing the effect, but as if you would know) and a rather optimistic chorus that could have also been found on a minor track on "Graceland". "Everything about it is a love song" is a song with heavy beats and close to no melody, reminding me of some songs on Sting`s "Brand new day". "Outrageous" is much more energetic, performed in a bit rapping manner and a chorus asking "Who`s gonna love you when your looks have gone?" On "Sure Don`t Feel like prayers" I have nothing to say. "Wartime prayers" is a war ballad. "Beautiful" is simple and beautiful. I believe that "I don`t believe" doesn`t sound much like Paul Simon. Meanwhile "Another Galaxy" would have been a typical song for a Paul Simon from another galaxy. "Once upon a time there was an ocean" is one more "Graceland" kind of song reminding of that hit he had together with that comic fellow. Maybe it has to do with Paul`s very limited singing voice that restrains him to singing about two or three different songs most of his life. On "Father and daughter" I think that I better like Paul when he performs those songs from Graceland, there`s nothing I dislike about that song, but there ain`t much to like about it either. Last but not least "That`s Me" is a song about Paul Simon that sounds like a real Paul Simon song, which it is, of course.

I never thought this could happen to me. Come on baby, let me see. I`ve seen films by Woody Allen before but today he just knocked at my door. Everybody`s got something to hide except for me and my monkey. L-O-L-(a).

I`m not exactly crazy for sci-fi literature, nor am I a fan of Michael Chricton. To be honest, I didn`t even know that he was some sort of a celebrity and had even written "Jurassic Park" and "Sphere". That doesn`t say that it makes him a brilliant writer. The biggest problem with science fiction quite often is the lack of depth in a book. You have to be truly great - like Bradberry or Vonnegut - to succed in this genre writing something trully outstanding. If you`re not - you can always have a good story but it won`t shake the world. "The Andromeda Strain" is a rather typical work of the genre. It does have some "bonus" points for adding diagrams and supposedly precise description of some technological equipment (one can`t deny that Chrichton did his best to convince the reader that this book is meant to be serious), yet his writing technique isn`t too bright. He ain`t no Azimov for sure. The andromeda strain is a deadly virus that has come to Earth from a space capsule and a group of scientists tries to find out how to fight against it. If I tried to find the ingredients of the Strain, I`d say that it owes some 50% to "War of the worlds" (in the original Wells incarnation, not the Tom Cruise film of course, which wasn`t a chef`d`oevre in the first place), then it has a component of typical Hollywood-ism including a time bomb that has to be dissactived in the last seconds, the closed environment of a laboratory with a group of scientists in it was later reused by Crichton himself in "Sphere", and it was also similar to "Evolution" in terms of the virus (ok, it`s a bacteria but I prefer calling it a virus) being capable to evolute rapidly in a nuclear explosion. A very forgettable book indeed.

Since I`m in Andromeda state of mind I just couldn`t resist from reading another science fiction novel with the "A" word in the title that I found on by wife`s book shelf. It`s a book of her father`s, as I would presume, for she has never expressed much interest for sci-fi herself, as far as I know. In comparison with that "Andromeda strain" novel this one has some advantages. First, those two British fellows write much less "generic" than Michael Chrichton - of course, every sci-fi book has its share of cliche`s but this one seems to be in a better position than the other one. Then there`s another advantage - the story is organised in a more intriguing manner. Everything starts with a huge radio telescope detecting a signal from outer space. The signal is recorded and a scientist named Flemming decodes it as an instruction for building a huge computer that would be able to solve lots and lots of problems. The problem is that when the computer is created it starts taking over the people for they are willing to pay almost everything for the power the computer can give. One of the things He (the computer) does is creating a nearly human replica of a woman He has killed - a woman named Andromeda (or Andre). This Andre has much better capabilities than the average person yet she is a bit too human in order to work perfectly. Flemming tries to stop the machine for he realises that it`s only giving something to people, so it could take much more ir return. Flemming comes out as the winner in the end, while Andre dies, although she`s become almost 100% human in her behaviour and her death doesn`t come as a relief. One thing was very funny about this book, of course, for the super advanced computer used punch cards and teletype and communication with it was done by typing lots and lots of data through the binary code. That`s a thing most sci fi books suffer from - the employed technology becomes ridiculous quite fast, never mind how great it seemed at the time the book was written. Overall: the book ain`t bad at all, once again I can say that it ain`t no Vonnegut, yet it ain`t no Michael Crichton either - it`s better.

Some months ago I tried to read the novel of the same name written by Jane Austen. I found it rather dull and boring and never made it to the middle of the book. I don`t like this kind of sentimental literature very much. By the way I have already almost perfectly forgotten what was happening in "Pride and Prejudice", another film version of an Austen novel. This film though has a few bonuses in comparison with that other one. Most of them lie in the casting department. The film is directed by Ang Lee, who has also brought "Crouching tiger" and "Brokeback mountain". In "Sex and Senility" he doesn`t choose to be daring, on the other hand there`s as little sex in this film as you can imagine. Still what this film has is a set of noteable actors including Emma Thompson, Kate Winslet, Hugh Grant, Alan Rickman, Imelda Staunton and others. Some of them became famous due to this film (mostly Kate Winslet), while others were already established in the world of films, take Imelda Staunton for instance. The story is as boring as it gets - a widow with three daughters has to leave the house of her deceased husband as everything has gone away to his son from the first wife. One of the daughters is still a child, while the others need to get married to rich fellows quickly. Elinor, the older one is the sense of the family, yet she developes a love story with Hugh Grant (known by the name of Edward Ferrers), yet he has to leave for London, so she remains broken hearted. Meanwhile Marianne (Winslet) falls in love with a southern type gentleman named Willoughby about whom the viewer would have no doubt that he`s going to be the villain of the book. He doesn`t marry Marianne, of course, for he needs money and she doesn`t have it, yet he doesn`t get her pregnant, so I can say that he just doesn`t use his chances. In the end both sisters get married, Elinor - to Hugh Grant, while Marianne marries colonel Branden, played by Alan Rickman (isn`t he a bit old for Winslet - he was 50 and she was 20 at the time the film came out, don`t you find it a bit too much?), who happens to be the good guy. You know the certain type of character whom everyone uses for the doormat but who marries the prettiest girl in town (or in the village in this case) in the end, when she`s impregnated, broken hearted and has no one but him to save her from total disgrace. And in the end she eventually starts to love him, for she`s such a pure character that she would never marry for money. Isn`t it pathetic? I think it is. Apart from the ugly 19th century costumes and brilliant acting there`s nothing outstanding in this film. First you watch it, then you forget it.

I tried my best to accept this film as a very good comedy, yet somehow I couldn`t achieve that. And why is that? Because the film takes a very good premise and turns it into a blank slapstick comedy. Dick (played by Jim Carrey) has just been promoted to VP when his company suddenly collapses just like Enron did. He and his wife Jane (played by the not particulary famous Tea Leoni) who has quit her own job because of Dick`s promotion now have no means of supporting themselves and their Spanish speaking kid Billy (who`s probably the funniest character of the film). Dick has no way of getting a new job for nobody wants a vice president of a company that proved to be made out of shit. Why can`t Jane find a new job is beyond my understanding for she wasn`t involved in her husbands affairs, probably it`s just so we would have more fun. When they see no way out, they turn to crime and start doing more or less funny robberies. From this point the film could have evolved into something reminiscent of "Bonnie and Clyde", yet it still remains a silly comedy, in which when you give the money of a bad guy to the good people in the end no one cares that you have performed various acts of crime along the way and in which there`s no way the same bad guy can retain his money when Dick and Jane have used a fraud paper to transfer his money to a different account. I guess were in not for the ending, I would have little trouble giving this film a good overall rating, yet I hate this Hollywood habit of ending a film with the least logical sequence just so the viewers would feel good after the film. And so they could believe that you can arm a drug store armed with a plastic squirt gun and that the drug store employee will be too afraid to take his double-barreled gun from the back of the counter and blow your brains out.

Iain Banks is a strange bird I hadn`t heard about until I bought this book of his. As I just read in Wikipedia he writes under two different names - as Iain Banks he`s a regulary literary fiction writer while when he takes the name of Iain M. Banks his books are pure science fiction. Still I guess that "Walking on glass", even if it isn`t science fiction per se owes rather much to this genre. The novel as three separate plots - one about a young wannabe painter named Graeme who has fallen in love with Sarah ffinch who`s dating a stupid biker (a perfect place to quote "Fountains of Wayne" with "Leave the Biker": "I wonder if that guy’s read one word that wasn’t in a porno mag") and who also has a very explosive homosexual friend named Slater who only talks about gay sex and gays all the time. Then there`s a story about Steven who has been building roads until now but he had to leave the job because of an accident where he got angry and slaughtered a cat and attacked a colleague of his. Steven believes his being on Earth is some sort of punishment for doing something bad in the intergalactic wars and now he only wants to come back, meanwhile he`s paranoid about everyone being out to get him (he`s surely more than one card short of a full deck, he`s not quite the shilling). The third story takes place in a strange castle where an elderly man and a woman are playing games and trying to solve a riddle: "What would happen if an unstoppable force encountered an unmovable object?" In the end everything doesn`t exactly come together as a piece of puzzle but everything becomes at least rather clear. A very entertaining book, although I`m not sure what the author meant to tell.